[Fic]: [Untitled] ([John<3Jade<3Karkat])

[exmoose]

Summary:

Characters: John Egbert, Jade Harley, Karkat Vantas (Mentioned: Kanaya, Dave, Davesprite, Vriska)
Ships: John<3Jade<3Karkat

Category One:
Tags Present: Incest (implied)
No other Cat.1 tags apply.

Category Two:
Tags Present: Character Death (background canon death)
No other Cat.2 tags apply.


Additional Tags (Optional): Sexual innuendo, Karkat's language, Self loathing



ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

EB: i know i have probably asked this before but
EB: since you're a basically omnipotent furry space witch.
EB: is there ANY way you can make this ship go faster?
GG: joooooooohn you know i cant
GG: i wish i could
EB: yeah...
EB: i guess if you could you would have already made it go faster...
GG: im tired of being on this ship too, john
EB: three years is... a long time.
GG: another brilliant observation by john egbert!!!
GG: :P
EB: oh cram it you know what i mean!
GG: i miss everyone :(
GG: i miss dave and rose
EB: i miss karkat.
GG: i miss k
GG: hey you beat me to it! hehehe
GG: so im guessing you were thinking about what we were talking about last night??
GG: so youre not mad at me anymore??? :(
EB: no! no i am just... confused? i guess?
EB: besides, there are not that many people on the ship to talk to so i can't afford to stay mad at you long.
EB: the salamanders are adorable but not very good conversational partners.
GG: aw!! :P
EB: but i wasn't mad just...
EB: i feel stupid. even though all i ever really did is argue with karkat i feel weird not being able to talk to him.
EB: i don't know if i like him or whatever you were saying last night but
EB: i do miss him. i miss dave and rose and even vriska too but it feels... different.
GG: john... :(
EB: wow that got really depressing really fast.
EB: do you wanna just play some video games or something instead of i don't know
EB: talking about our feelings? i think i have had enough of that for the year.
GG: sure but i get to pick the game!! :D
EB: noooooooo
EB: i do not think i can handle another round of "fury of the furries"
EB: worst! game!! ever!!!
GG: rude!
GG: how about... the misadventures of dragon tails?
EB: no
GG: 'yiff!' the video game??
EB: no fucking way.
GG: brutal: paws of fury???
EB: i am not playing any more of your shitty furry games.
GG: not even battletoads????
ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]

Your name is Jade Harley and your brother is missing out on some seriously good video games.

Unfortunately, you're not feeling well and no number of awesome anthropomorphic-animal-themed video games are going to be able to cheer you up.

Last night John told you that he thinks he might like Karkat. Which is good! You also like Karkat and you love your brother but you were a bit blown away by the fact that it took him two years on a floating golden ship to realize he had a crush.

(True, it took you about a year on the floating golden ship to realize that you liked Karkat in a more-than-friends-who-yell-at-each-other way, but that's a year shorter than it took John so you think you're winning that who-can-be-slightly-less-moronic race.)

It's weird, though. Weird how you never gave talking to Karkat a real chance until the game. Actually, you didn't even give him a real chance then; the game was three-quarters of the way over by the time you started thinking of him as anything more than That Angry Guy Who I Hate. You had barely started thinking of him as a friend when you died (and then became a god.)

And now you're apart again. For three years.

John was right. That is a long time.

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

GG: karkat :(
GG: im sorry i died when we were in the middle of talking
GG: that was kind of rude hehe :P
GG: can this last year please be over? just one more year?

He won't reply. He can't. You and John can talk on PesterChum still, but any messages to Rose or Dave or any of the trolls just... never get there. No one ever responds.

But even though it's permanently set to 'idle' you find yourself clicking on Karkat's trollhandle almost daily. You just type and type and type. It doesn't matter, he'll never read it. You think you'd give your left arm to be able to talk to him right now, to have him respond just once.

Well maybe not your whole arm. Maybe a pinky toe or something.

GG: i could say literally anything and you would never know
GG: i could say
GG: karkat youre a huge piece of shit!!!
GG: or
GG: karkat i think youre really awesome!!
GG: karkat i think youre a much better person than you really give yourself credit for
GG: i wish you would stop being so down on yourself :(
GG: i wish we could start over since we neither of us made really good first impressions. we just yelled at each other
GG: i miss you
GG: john misses you
GG: do you miss us?
GG: its weird not talking to you all the time, john says so too
GG: nothing is the same with you so far away and it sucks
GG: im so sick of it!!! D:<
GG: we can never be together all at the same time!
GG: uuuuuugggggggghhhhh
GG: i hope you dont hate us like you said you did because when we meet up im going to give you the biggest!! hug!!!
GG: john too! group hug! youre gonna be hugged so fucking much!!
GG: so get ready!!!!!

You leave the window open while you go to play video games with John, for one reason or another. A feeble hope that maybe just this once it will get through to him, and that Karkat will be able to respond. You get the feeling that he'd respond in a heartbeat if he could.

John's in a bad mood too and Davesprite is nowhere to be found.

"Just one more year." You whisper gently into John's ear when he groans and throws his neck up, looking up at the ceiling with what you think are the beginnings of tears in his eyes. The light must be playing tricks on you because John never cries, but as you stroke his hair lovingly you're pretty sure you see a tear trickle down the side of his face. You don't say anything about it.

It's frustrating, having all this time alone to think. It becomes easy to over-think things.

Once you're all reunited, you're sure that frustration will end.

But for now you're just talking to yourself, sending empty messages into the air, hoping they'll find somewhere solid to land.

GG: karkat
GG: i...
GG: we
GG: really need you

John reads the message over your shoulder and gives you a weak smile. You feel the tiniest bit better, getting that off your chest. And as you drift off to sleep that night, you think to yourself that one more year doesn't really seems that long at all.

***

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: HEY
CG: OH DON'T WORRY I'LL WAIT FOR YOU TO RESPOND.
CG: SEE THIS IS A FUN LITTLE GAME I LIKE TO PLAY WITH MYSELF WHEN I'M FEELING PARTICULARLY SELF-LOATHING.
CG: I WAIT FOR A RESPONSE I KNOW IS NEVER COMING.
CG: I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU BUT I THINK THAT'S DOWNRIGHT FUCKING POETIC.

John doesn't respond. What a shocker.

CG: I'M SORRY ABOUT VRISKA.
CG: I'M SORRY I COULDN'T TELL YOU. I'M SORRY YOU STILL DON'T KNOW.
CG: I
CG: FUCK
carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gardenGnostic [GG]

CG: JADE
CG: JADE I'M SO SORRY.
CG: I'M SO FUCKING SORRY.

You can't even bring yourself to send her anything else. Just looking at her chumhandle is almost too much.

Another plea she'll never respond to, another apology she'll never see. You think about the last time you spoke to Jade, right before she died, right before she went God Tier. You feel sick to your stomach.

All you want to do is talk to her. To talk to John. You wish that they were able to message you; you'd respond in a fucking heartbeat. Once you admitted that to yourself it became all you could really think about. But you're just sending messages that will never be read. You can't talk to them.

So all you do is talk to yourself.

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU CAN'T STOP THIKING ABOUT TWO BUCK-TOOTHED HUMAN FLESH BAGS

CCG: I GUESS I SHOULD JUST DO THIS.
CCG: THIS IS WHAT KANAYA CALLS A **SOLO THERAPUTIC FEELINGS JAM**
CCG: THAT MEANS NO PAST OR FUTURE IDOTS
CCG: I CAN ONLY TAKE SO MUCH OF MYSELF BEFORE I'M LIABLE TO GO CRAZY AND KILL SOMEONE AND BY SOMEONE I MEAN STRIDER.
CCG: IT'S FAR PAST FUCKNG TIME FOR HIM TO GO.
CCG: IF HE EVER DRAWS ANOTHER BIT OF HUMAN GENETALIA ON MY FACE WHILE I'M SLEEPING I'M GOING TO RIP HIS SPINE OUT THROUGH HIS MOUTH AND USE IT AS A STRIPPER POLE.
CCG: I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A HUMAN "STRIPPER" IS.
CCG: STRIDER SAYS IT'S A KIND OF BRUTAL MERCENARY BUT I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF HIS INFERNAL NOISE TUBE.
CCG: GOD I HATE THAT DOUCHEBAG.
CCG: BUT THIS ISN'T ABOUT HIM, LIKE I SAID THIS IS GOING TO BE MY THERAPUTIC SOLO FUCKING FEELINGS JAM
CCG: I GUESS.
CCG: KANAYA SAYS THAT PRACTICING EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS IN A POSITIVE WAY WILL MAKE IT EASIER ONCE I ACTUALLY MEET YOU AND BY YOU I MEAN HARLEY AND EGBERT NOT OTHER DAVE THE FEATHERY DOUCHEBAG EDITION.
CCG: I'M LITERALLY TALKING TO IMAGINARY PEOPLE FOR THE SAKE OF A PSYCHO-EXERCISE
CCG: THIS IS HOW DAMN DESPERATE I'VE BECOME.
CCG: BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WON'T EVER READ THIS.
CCG: OR MAYBE YOU WILL MAYBE IN THE FUTURE YOU'LL STUMBLE UPON THIS MISERABLE, APPROPRIATELY ILL-NAMED MEMO.
CCG: PROBABLY LAUGH AT HOW MUCH OF A GODDAMNED NOOKWHIFFING FAILURE I AM.
CCG: OR NOT
CCG: I'M OFF TRACK AGAIN.
CCG: A SMALL FAMILY JUST PERISHED IN THE DERAILMENT AND THE FUNERAL'S TOMORROW BUT I CAN'T MAKE IT BECAUSE I'M STUCK ON A SPEEDING ASTEROID.
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK WAS I EVEN SAYING.
CCG: YOU INFECTED ME WITH YOUR SHITTY HUMAN *METERPHONES*
CCG: WAIT NO.
CCG: METAPHORS.
CCG: FUCK
CCG: YOUR LANGUAGE WAS WRITTEN BY A BULGEMUNCH IDIOT.
CCG: SO I CAN'T GET IT RIGHT
CCG: I CAN'T GET HUMANS RIGHT.
CCG: I CAN'T GET YOU RIGHT.
CCG: I DON'T GET YOU. NEITHER OF YOU.
CCG: I CAN'T EVEN TALK TO YOU IN MY OWN HEAD WITHOUT FUCKING THINGS UP.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 8801 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
CCG: YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
FCG: YOU'RE TELLING ME. HOW WAS I EVER THIS MUCH OF A LOSER
FCG: IT'S NOT THAT COMPLICATED OKAY. JOHN AND JADE AREN'T THAT COMPLICATED.
CCG: I SAID NO FUTURE KARKATS!!!!
CCG: **NONE**
FCG: THAT'S COLD. I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT HERE
CCG: NO FUCK YOU.
FCG: WOW THAT STINGS YOUR INSULTS ARE REALLY HITTING TONIGHT. <---HUMAN SARCASM
CCG: I'M NOT IN THE MOOD TO ARGUE I'M APPARENTLY IN THE MOOD TO *TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS* AND DO *EMOTIONAL EXERCISES*
CCG: BUT BEORE I BAN YOUR SORRY ASS JUST TELL ME
CCG: DO I EVER DO IT? DO I EVER PULL MY HEAD OUT OF MY OWN NOOK AND GET IT TOGETHER?
FCG: WITH JOHN AND JADE?
CCG: YEAH. I GUESS. WHAT'S IT LIKE WITH THEM FOR YOU? IN THE FUTURE AND SHIT.
FCG: ON A SCALE FROM 1 -10?
CCG: FUCKING
CCG: SURE WHATEVER, SCALE OF 1 - 10.
FCG: WELL I DON'T WANT TO GIVE IT AWAY.
CCG: ARE FUCKING SHITTING ME????
CCG: WELL WHATEVER THAT TELLS ME THAT IT EITHER WENT REALLY BADLY OR REALLY WELL.
FCG: WELL. NOT NECESSARILY.
FCG: ANY NUMBER OVER 5 MEANS YOU TOLD THEM YOUR FEELINGS AND THEY REACTED IN VARIOUS STAGES OF POSITIVITY. ANY NUMBER UNDER 5 MEANS THEY RESPONDED IN ANY VARIATION OF NEGATIVITY.
FCG: SO IT COULD BE A MEDIOCRE 6. OR A SHITTY 2. OR AN AMAZING 10.
CCG: ...
CCG: I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE FACE SO BADLY RIGHT NOW.
CCG: I ALMOST WANT TO PUNCH MYSELF RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I'M YOU.
CCG: IN 8801 HOURS I'M GOING TO PUNCH MYSELF BECAUSE I HATE YOU SO MUCH.
FCG: WHAT THE FUCK!!!
FCG: I JUST PUNCHED MYSELF!!
CCG: HA HA HA <---SMUG AMUSEMENT.
CCG: IN ANY CASE WHATEVER I CHANGED MY MIND.
CCG: FUCK YOU FUCK ME
CCG: FUCK JOHN AND JADE.
FCG: WELL, ACTUALLY, ABOUT THAT LAST ONE...
CCG banned FCG from responding to memo.
CCG: NOPE.
CCG: NO NO NO NOT GETTING INTO THAT.
CCG: ANYWAY.
CCG: NOW THAT I'VE WASTED ENOUGH TIME SHITTING EMBARRASSMENT ALL OVER THIS MEMO LIKE FUCKING DIRHEEA
CCG: WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY GETTING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING DONE IN THE WAY OF ACTUALLY HELPING MYSELF ON AN EMOTIONAL PLANE CONCERNING THE BUCK-TOOTHED IDIOTS AFOREMENTIONED IN THE MEMO TITLE.
CCG: I WANT TO SAY THAT I HOPE THAT YOU GUYS DON'T HATE ME.
CCG: JOHN AND JADE, THAT IS.
CCG: BECAUSE I DON'T HATE YOU.
CCG: EVEN THOUGH I SAID I DID.
CCG: THAT'S JUST SOMETHING I DO I GUESS, TELL PEOPLE THINGS I DON'T ACTUALLY MEAN. OR THAT ARE BASICALLY THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I ACTUALLY MEAN.
CCG: IT'S JUST THAT
CCG: EVERYTHING FEELS REALLY MESSED UP WITHOUT YOU TWO HERE. IT DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT.
CCG: FRIENDS OF MINE THAT I'VE KNOWN FOR SWEEPS ARE DEAD BUT APPARENTLY THAT'S JUST FUCKING PEACHY ACCORDING TO MY PSYCHE
CCG: BECAUSE I'M MORE CONCERNED WITH HOW STRANGE AND EMPTY EVERYTHING FEELS JUST NOT BEING ABLE TO TALK TO YOU TWO MORONS.
CCG: EVEN THOUGH I'VE ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR WHAT?
CCG: THE DURATION OF THIS GAME?
CCG: I JUST WANT THESE THREE YEARS TO BE OVER.
CCG: WOW
CCG: OK
CCG: THAT GOT REALLY HEAVY, DAMN THAT'S ALL YOU FUCKERS ARE GETTING OUT OF ME.
CCG: ...
CCG: <3
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] ceased responding to memo.

CUURENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] responded to memo.

CCG: WAIT NO THAT LOOKS STUPID.
CCG: I TAKE BACK MY FEEBLE ATTEMPT AT TEXTUALLY EXPRESSING POSITIVE EMOTIONS.
CCG: IF YOU COULD CALL THE HUMAN EMOTION OF *LOVE* POSITIVE, EVEN.
CCG: SOUNDS MORE LIKE A DISEASE IF YOU ASK ME.
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] ceased responding to memo.

You don't admit it when Kanaya asks, but you actually do feel a little bit better. You lie down and attempt to sleep, thinking that one more year can't be that long.

Comments

[cest_what]

This is adorable. I love this ship.

[ex_lionpyh573]

CCG: IF HE EVER DRAWS ANOTHER BIT OF HUMAN GENETALIA ON MY FACE WHILE I'M SLEEPING I'M GOING TO RIP HIS SPINE OUT THROUGH HIS MOUTH AND USE IT AS A STRIPPER POLE.
CCG: I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A HUMAN "STRIPPER" IS.
CCG: STRIDER SAYS IT'S A KIND OF BRUTAL MERCENARY BUT I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING THAT COMES OUT OF HIS INFERNAL NOISE TUBE.

Help I am making terrible cackling choking noises. They are each adorable in their own ridiculous way.

[themostpsychotic]

The Karkat voice here is spot-on, and I love how you kind of left it up to the reader to decide whether or not they get together - obviously it's a little biased towards the positive, I mean, it's your /ship/, but it was still cute!

Very well done! :D