inksplotched: (Default)
[personal profile] inksplotched posting in [community profile] hso2012_r3s4
Summary: Balance is necessary to the conduction of a proper moirallegiance and to the survival of a universe, except when it isn't.
Characters: Aradia Megido, Sollux Captor, Karkat Vantas
Ships: Aradia <> Sollux

Category One:
Tags Present: Suicide
Tags Not Used: None
No other Cat.1 tags apply.

Category Two:
Tags Present: Character Death, Domestic Abuse
Tags Not Used: None
No other Cat.2 tags apply.

Category Three (Optional):
Tags Present: Ableist language, mentions of mind control, blasphemy/profanity
Tags Not Used: None

AA: hey s0llux!
TA: hii aa.
TA: what’2 up, do you need me two fiix a problem wiith your computer or 2omethiing.
AA: w0w rude
AA: cant a tr0ll talk t0 her friend with0ut being accused 0f having ulteri0r m0tives?
TA: aa, iit’2 “game niight.”
TA: you never talk two me on game niight becau2e you’re two bu2y playiing lo2er roleplayiing game2 wiith your geeky friiend2.
AA: that’s fr0m s0me0ne wh0 is basically the captain 0f the geek squad
TA: the geek 2quad doe2n’t exii2t.
AA: well duh
AA: even dumb wigglers kn0w that that isn’t even a thing that c0mes cl0se t0 existing
TA: actually aa, when ii wa2 two and a half 2weep2 old ii 2ent iin an appliicatiion two joiin.
TA: biicyclop2 dad diidn’t want two 2hatter my iillu2iion2 and 2ent me a fake certiifiicate of acceptance.
TA: the day ii found out that iit wa2 all an elaborate ru2e wa2 the wor2t day of my liife.
AA: hahahahaha
AA: that is the stupidest thing i have ever heard
TA: well ii’m glad that the UNCON2OLABLE MII2ERY AND 2UFFERIING2 of my wiigglerhood are 2o hiilariiou2 two you.
AA: s0llux shut up f0r a sec0nd!
AA: st0p typing whatever sarcastic and aggrieved thing it was y0u were typing
AA: i need a fav0r
TA: aha.
TA: 2o you WERE goiing two a2k me for 2omethiing.
AA: yes y0u were right g00d j0b tyrian star
TA: ii gue22 you could 2ay ii have …
TA: 2econd 2iight.
TA:
AA: n0 y0u c0uldnt because that w0uld be stupid
TA: you ju2t don’t under2tand the power of the pun.
TA: anyway what diid you need.
AA: vriska and terezi sent us this file f0r t0night and i need y0u t0 make sure it isnt a virus
TA: ok 2end that 2ucker over, ii’ll have iit checked before you can 2ay “2courge 2ii2ter2.”
TA: whiich by the way ii am never tryiing two 2ay again.

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] sent twinArmageddons [TA] file “T34M CH4RG3 1S going d8wn!!!!!!!!.pdf” --
TA: ok, iit’2 clean.
TA: iit wa2n’t that dangerou2 iin the fiir2t place, ii don’t know why you had two a2k me about iit.
AA: uh well
AA: its best t0 be safe!
AA: i was w0rried and i wanted y0u t0 reassure me
AA: i need t0 g0 n0w s0llux bye!
-- apocalypseArisen [AA] stopped trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --
TA: waiit
TA: rea22ure you?
TA: oh
TA: oh my day2.


Khosmo pale tip #949: stock your pile of choice with spiky and dangerous objects – your moirail will need more comforting than ever!


I.

TA: hey aa.
TA: um, ii wa2 thiinkiing about what you 2aiid earliier.
AA: s0llux shut up just st0p please
TA: what’2 wrong?
AA: she hurt tavr0s
TA: 2hiit, ii2 he okay?
AA: n0 he is n0t 0kay!
AA: 0h my g0d s0llux she jumped him 0ff 0f a cliff!
TA: well EXCU2E ME, PRIINCE22, ii had exactly zero fuckiing way of knowiing that!
AA: i sh0uldnt have g0tten mad at y0u s0rry
AA: im just s0 angry!
AA: shes a bluebl00d and the 0nly caste l0wer than tavr0s 0n the hem0spectrum is mine
AA: theres n0 way the auth0rities will d0 anything
TA: waiit aa FUCK, ii can 2ee where thii2 ii2 goiing.
TA: iif you try and hurt her the 2hiit wiill hiit the fan.
TA: iin thii2 metaphor you are the 2hiit and 2he ii2 the terriifyiing and eviil blueblood fan wiith 2harp edge2 that wiill 2liice you iintwo 2hred2.
TA: iif you try two get back at a hiighblood, your a22 wiill be grub2auce.
AA: s0llux are y0u
AA: pacifying me?
AA: 0h my g0d y0uve been pacifying me this wh0le time
TA: um
AA: I sh0uld g0 check up 0n tavr0s
AA: bye
AA: <>
-- apocalypseArisen [AA] stopped trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --
TA: 2hiit.

Your name is Sollux Captor, and you are so pale for this girl you don’t know what to do.


Khosmo pale tip #384: does your moirail seem distant? Reserved? Club them on the head a couple times, it’s the best way to loosen up a shy troll.


II.

In your desperation, you turn to the one close friend you have who knows jack shit about romance.
Unfortunately, jack shit is not a lot.

TA: ii need a favor.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, CAPTOR.
CG: NITRAM JUST TROLLED ME HALF AN HOUR AGO COMPLAINING THAT HIS LEGS GOT BROKEN OR SOMETHING.
CG: SHIT, I HOPE HE’S OKAY.
TA: you diidn’t a2k?
CG: NO.
TA: ehehehe you are 2uch a fuckiing a22hole.
CG: IF YOU’RE SUCH A SAINT THEN WHY AREN’T YOU DOING ANYTHING TO HELP, HUH?
TA: actually ii ju2t had a very comfortiing and helpful chat wiith aa.
TA: 2o up your2, diip2hiit.
CG: COMFORTING?
CG: YOU’RE STARTING TO SOUND A LITTLE PALE THERE, SOLLUX.
TA: actually that’2 why ii needed you, ii need romantiic adviice.
CG: I HAVE SOME RESOURCES HERE THAT YOU MIGHT BE INTERESTED IN. DO YOU WANT ME TO SEND THEM OVER?
TA: okay but 2ome ground rule2 fiir2t.
CG: LET ME GUESS, TWO.
TA: 2hut up.
TA: fiir2t rule, iif thii2 blow2 up iin my face ii am goiing two 2end your computer a viiru2 that wiill fuck iit2 2hiit up 2o hard that you wiill never come near a computer agaiin.
TA: iit wiill be a cur2e. iit wiill mark you. that viiru2 wiill get mediieval on your 2piinal creviice.
CG: YEAH, LIKE YOU COULD EVEN DO THAT.
CG: SECOND RULE?
TA: nothiing with troll patriick demp2ey.
CG: FINE.
CG: OKAY, I’VE GOT A COUPLE THINGS FOR YOU.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file “ROMANCE FOR STUPID WIGGLERS 1.pdf” --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file “ROMANCE FOR STUPID WIGGLERS 2.pdf” --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file “ROMANCE FOR STUPID WIGGLERS 3.pdf” --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file “ROMANCE FOR STUPID WIGGLERS 5.pdf” --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file “ROMANCE FOR STUPID WIGGLERS 6. avi” --
CG: THAT’S THREE ROMANCE MAGAZINES, A 150-PAGE COMPILATION WITH ALL OF ASK AHMEEY’S MOIRALLEGIENCE-RELATED LETTERS, AND “IN WHICH A RED RACECAR…”
TA: ii2 that that moviie wiith troll owen wiil2on.
CG: YES. IT IS THE SEMINAL PALE ROMANCE OF OUR AGE.
CG: IN MY OPINION, THE GREATEST MOVIE THAT PYKSAR EVER MADE.
TA: weren’t they culled a few 2weep2 ago for the criime of “being fis)(gustingly cutesy and )(eartwarming”?
CG: YEAH.
TA: ok that’2 a lot of 2tuff, do ii have two read all of iit?
CG: YES.
TA: fiine ii gue22.
TA: ii’ll go 2tart that then.
CG: THANK ME LATER, ASSHOLE.

In your mind, the bucktoothed grin of Mhater leers out at you; this, according to Karkat, is the face of pale romance in modern cinema. You have much to live up to. You have much to understand.
It’s going to be a long night.


Khosmo pale tip #483: Tweezers. >;)


III.

TA: kk you’re a fuckiing iidiiot.
TA: everythiing that you gave me ii2 2hiit.
TA: thii2 ii2 the wor2t adviice ii have ever read iin MY ENTIIRE LIIFE.
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH IT?
TA: everythiing.
TA: 60 fun and 2porty tiip2 that’ll leave your moiiraiil 2o exhau2ted they won’t be able two leave YOU!
TA: thiink your moiiraiil’2 cheatiing? how two get the iinformatiion out of hiim wiithout kiilliing hiim … iif you’re careful!
TA: and don’t even get me 2tarted on the kho2mo pale tiip2.
CG: FINE THEN, IF YOU DON’T WANT MY HELP.
CG: YOU WANT TO KNOW SOMETHING? A MOIRALLEGIENCE BETWEEN YOU AND ARADIA WOULD NEVER HAVE WORKED, ANYWAY.
TA: what?
CG: LOOK, SOLLUX.
CG: MOIRALLEGIANCE IS ALL ABOUT BALANCE.
CG: A MOIRALLEGIANCE CONSISTS OF TWO TROLLS, ONE VOLATILE AND DANGEROUS, THE OTHER GENTLE AND PACIFYING.
CG: THEY CANCEL EACH OTHER OUT, MAKING THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF NEUTRAL.
CG: THIS HELPS STABILIZE SOCIETY.
TA: ok 2o what the fuck doe2 that have two do wiith our relatiion2hiip.
CG: YOU AND ARADIA ARE BOTH TOO DANGEROUS.
TA: that ii2 complete hor2e2hiit.
CG: THAT’S NOT WHAT TROLL EIGHT AND A HALF MAGAZINE THINKS.
TA: troll eiight and a half magaziine ii2 hor2e2hiit packaged for four-2weep old giirl2.
CG: I THINK YOUR ATTITUDE IS JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN SEE THAT I’M FUCKING RIGHT AND DON’T WANT TO ADMIT IT.
TA: yeah, maybe that’2 iit.
TA: or maybe iit’2 that you and your magaziine2 are full of tradiitiionalii2t bull2hiit.
TA: thank2 for nothiing, a22hole.

It’s time to take things into your own hands. You’re going to give it a hundred and twenty percent. You’re going to …
Double down.


Khosmo pale tip #47: If your moirail is caught in a fight, wrap them up in a silky towel rubbed with lemon juice! The soft silk will soothe their wounds, and the lemon scent will calm them down!


IV.

TA: hey, aa.
TA: ii wanted two a2k you 2omethiing.
AA: what?
TA: aa
TA: um.
AA: what is it?
TA: wiill you be my moiiraiil?
AA: i already s0rt 0f am, stupid!
TA: oh
TA: that was a lot 2iimpler than ii thought iit would be.
AA: hahaha
AA: <>
TA: <>
TA: oh riight aa what was that game you wanted two talk two me about?
AA: which 0ne
AA: 0h wait sgrub?
TA: yeah that one.
AA: its n0t really imp0rtant
TA: okay 2ure.


Khosmo pale tip #239: if your pale love life needs some spicing up, try keeping important secrets from your moirail. It’ll make for a fun game of extraction!


V.

You aren’t surprised when the meteors start coming, but this is only because you have started hearing your own voices in your head.
We are doomed, you think, and you and Aradia sit outside her hive, staring up at the burned red sky.


Khosmo pale tip #685: moirallegiance means never having to say you’re sorry.


Your name is Aradia Megido and you are four sweeps old. Currently you are pretty focused on cleaning off this pretty nifty hat you found the other day, along with this weird computer and that slightly creepy doll.
It stares up at you with its glassy blue eyes. Its legs are floppy and unmoving and you look at them and think, Tavros.
Wait. What?

Aradia, crouching on the floor of her room while surrounded by her SWEET LOOT, looks up with confusion at her alpha universe god tier counterpart, who is greeting her with a smile.

oh good
i was wondering when youd realize that this wasnt real

whats g0ing 0n?

There’s a fairy in front of you. She’s dressed in a dark red outfit with beautiful wings of a slightly paler shade. She looks like you.

this wasnt supposed to happen

what are y0u talking ab0ut

the meteors
you werent supposed to die
i mean yes you were supposed to die but not here and not permanently its all very confusing

i have time t0 listen
because apparently im dead!
which is 0k d0nt w0rry but id like an explanati0n


She explains.

0h
s0 the divergence fr0m the alpha timeline d00med 0ur timeline
h0w can i fix it

by stopping it from ever existing


Things you don’t say:
i d0nt want
it isnt fair
n0


Things you do say:
0k

She smiles at you.

things are going to be ok for a while, she says, and disappears.


Khosmo pale tip #129: if your moirail is feeling too happy, remind them of everything that they deserve but don’t have. That’ll sadden them right down!



> Aradia: Reverse.



Khosmo pale tip #762: the easiest way to deal with a mistake you've made in your relationship is to club your moirail on the head so hard that they forget about it.

v.

When the meteors come, you are safe. In the medium, you become a frog, become a sprite, become a robot. You pull the metal facsimile of a blood-pushing organ out of your chest, and you kiss that boy. You kiss him hard. You make him pay.
Far away the witch of life kisses your boy, kisses his soft dead mouth, and brings him back to life.
You are both alive, for a given value of alive.


Khosmo pale tip #930: the best way to make your moirail miss you? Ignore them for large stretches of time!


iv.

TA: hii aa.
AA: what d0 y0u want s0llux
TA: how are you feeliing?
AA: im 0k
TA: ok.
TA: oh yeah, remember that thiiing you 2aiid you wanted my help wiith?
AA: the game that will help us save the w0rld
TA: yeah, that one.
TA: ii’ve been workiing on iit a lot lately.
TA: iit’2 pretty iimportant two you, riight?
AA: i guess
AA: its imp0rtant f0r every0ne
TA: well, ii’ve made a lot of progre22 on iit.
AA: 0k
TA: doe2n’t that make you happy two hear?
AA: n0t really
TA: wow fuck aa you really are depre22iing two talk two nowaday2.
AA: 0k
TA: no you’re not ok, not everythiing ii2 ok all the tiime.
AA: 0k
TA: you know what, fuck thii2, ii can’t deal wiith thii2 riight now.
AA: bye.


Khosmo pale tip #85: who are the calmest trolls? Wigglers! Surprising your moirail with a faceful of wigglers is the best way to calm them right down.


iii.

TA: ii’ve been worriied about aa.
CG: OH SHOVE IT UP YOUR CREAKING LOAD GAPER, SOLLUX, YOU’RE ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT SOMETHING.
TA: well ii am more worriied riight now okay.
TA: ii’m …
CG: DOUBLY WORRIED?
TA: maybe ii wa2n’t goiing two 2ay that, maybe ii had a diifferent pun iin mind.
TA: wow why the fuck am ii talkiing about pun2 wiith you, ii had 2omethiing iimportant two dii2cu22.
TA: iit’2 about the book you gave me.
CG: THE ONE BY TROLL NORA EPHRON, RIGHT?.
TA: kk that one’2 about dealiing wiith the death of a loved one.
TA: aa’2 not dead.
CG: MAYBE SHE’S NOT, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT IS DEAD?
CG: YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS DEAD. WHATEVER YOU HAD BEFORE IS FUCKING GONE.
CG: GET OVER IT.
TA: a22hole.
CG: YEAH, WELL AT LEAST I’M NOT WETTING MY FRONDS OVER A TROLL WHO’S CLEARLY NOT INTERESTED.
TA: oh yeah? tell that two tz.
CG: FUCK YOU, CAPTOR.


Khosmo pale tip #847: coat yourself in sopor and have your moirail hold you and breathe in, deeply.


ii.

TA: ii need a favor.
CG: IF IT’S ABOUT ARADIA, YOU CAN SWING YOUR TRAP SHUT RIGHT NOW.
TA: don’t be a douche kk.
TA: oh waiit!
TA: ii forgot, iit’2 iincurable.
TA: ii’m 2orry, ii’ll go bother 2omeone el2e.
CG: WAIT, DON’T GO.
CG: WHAT DO YOU NEED?
TA: ii need help iin gettiing through two her.
CG: OKAY, I’LL SEND SOME STUFF OVER.
TA: thank2.
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] sent twinArmageddons [TA] the file “ROMANCE FOR MOPING WIGGLERS.docx” --
CG: GOOD LUCK.


Khosmo pale tip #432: irritate your moirail to the point of homicide before an extended shoosh papping session for the full pale experience!


i.

The voices in you head are louder than ever. They whisper, cajole, threaten, implore. They want vengeance and anger and the terrible balance of pain for pain.

A little sign blinks insistently, letting you know that Sollux wants to talk.
He needs you.

Don't, another voice murmurs. Something in it catches at the back of your mind and twists; everything is awful and upsetting and it's all too much and you don't know what to do. You need your moirail.

Your mouse hovers over his name.
He can wait, the voice says quietly. Get even. Make her pay.

You do.


Khosmo pale tip #1025: balance? Balance is boring! Sometimes stability isn’t
We att Khosmo Magazine would like tto inform you that the ttroll responsible for Khosmo Pale Ttips has been culled.
We apologise for the inconvenience.


AA: hey s0llux!
TA: hii aa.
TA: what’2 up, do you need me two fiix a problem wiith your computer or 2omethiing.
AA: n0
AA: i just wanted t0 talk to y0u!
TA: um, ok.
TA: waiit, we’ve had thii2 conver2atiion before, haven’t we.
TA: ii2 thii2 2ome kiind of dream?
AA: yes!
AA: well n0t exactly
AA: we are in what y0u w0uld call a dream bubble
AA: i have been waiting t0 find y0u
TA: ok, you found me, why are we iin thii2 “dream bubble” agaiin?
AA: we made a decisi0n that diverged fr0m the necessary c0urse 0f events
AA: and in 0rder t0 preserve the alpha timeline it was necessary t0 ensure 0ur 0wn never happened
TA: how are we 2tiill here then.
AA: because were dead!
AA: d0nt y0u remember the mete0rs
TA: holy 2hiit, ii actually do.
TA: 2o ii2 thii2 the afterliife or 2omethiing?
AA: yes s0rt 0f
AA: basically y0u g0 thr0ugh bubbles c0ntaining mem0ries
TA: that 2ound2 liike a really 2hiitty afterliife, why would you make an afterliife that ii2 ba2ically the 2ame a2 your actual liife.
AA: w0w y0u jerk i was actually l00king f0rward t0 spending s0me special time with y0u!
AA: jerk
TA: you were?
AA: yes y0u idi0t i was
TA: oh, ii 2ee.
TA: 2orry, um
TA: 2hoo2h?
AA: well y0u definitely caught 0nt0 that 0ne quickly
AA: in fact y0u c0uld say y0u underst00d me …
AA: 0N THE D0UBLE.
AA:
TA: aa, that doe2n’t even work.
AA: shut up s0llux!
TA: ok.
AA: <>!
TA: <>.

Dead Aradia and Sollux, meeting in a dreambubble: Aradia is floating and smiling happily, and Sollux is turning away from his computer towards her with an amazed smile on his face.

Date: 2012-08-03 03:46 am (UTC)
themostpsychotic: (Default)
From: [personal profile] themostpsychotic
Wow what perfect Aradia and Sollux voices, oh man.

This was really well written and super cute, and the art was gorgeous c:

Date: 2012-08-05 10:43 pm (UTC)
watchfob: this is dave he is in the snow and also wearing a scarf (Default)
From: [personal profile] watchfob
Ah, that ending was adorable. And the Khosmo tips -- flipping perfect oh my god. The interactions in this were great, and the art is wonderful.

Date: 2012-08-07 09:38 pm (UTC)
backdrifter: (Default)
From: [personal profile] backdrifter
i wish to subscribe to khosmo magazine

Also just, wow, what a well-crafted interpretation of the round prompt! What an excellent entry C:

Date: 2012-08-14 03:09 pm (UTC)
asherdashery: (Default)
From: [personal profile] asherdashery
It's like my heart got caught in the gears when the story shifted from that beautiful, adorable, perfect moiraillegiance to the doomed alpha timeline that we all know. Perfect voices, perfect romance. I really loved this piece, and the art was gorgeous, too.

Date: 2012-08-17 03:57 am (UTC)
ellipsometry: (Default)
From: [personal profile] ellipsometry
wow this is so cute and all of the characterization is really spot-on! :) plus the khosmo tips were freaking hilarious props to basically this whole team for being awesome :')

Date: 2012-08-18 12:07 am (UTC)
magnificentbastards: (Homestuck: F4SH1ON)
From: [personal profile] magnificentbastards
Oh man, my heart. This was lovely (AND THE KHOSMO TIPS, WOW)

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